Spring

Developments.

Speed in my art is what I need. Regardless of the quality of my work, speed does have an impact. I get far too picky within the realm of imperfection. I feel too pulled-apart by how long each segment takes me to accomplish. I need to tighten up, loosen up, work my way through. Sometimes a single try is perfect enough. It’s about finishing things, and not anything else!

Opened my Patreon, will be updating as often as I can, but for now it is a place to practice. Opened a Ko.fi, always taking tip requests there.

Physical health has been lacking all winter… Being less awake, less physically able to sit for long times drawing has angered me enough. I told myself I didn’t want to continue living like this, I wanted to at least have worked out before I died, or before a big earthquake, or before whatever would take the rug out from under me again. I have people around encouraging me and it helps a ton just to hear it out loud. The last single week actually has been the Taxbeast Workout plan courtesy of my roomate, and it’s making the difference. Very wobbly though… Amongst other things. It is good to feel my body again though.

Further reading comes with a primer to the content below: personal, and from a place of sadness.

Rain and water. The seasons are important. Everyone is freaking out because everything in the climate is so different from five years ago, from ten years ago. Yet nobody wants to fall into the habits and processes of a sustainable future quite yet it seems. And everyone is completely obsessed and even using human political turmoil and military conflicts to distract from devastating issues. Calling it what it is seems so hard for some people. It is more comfortable to keep going while you watch the ride down. There is no ride, this is what waking up is like.

An old teacher said to us, “Life is a nightmare from which none of us will ever wake up.” And inside of this, I have been having nightmares while I’m awake. “Do you ever fall awake?” Paraphrased from a twitter mutual.

Currently, Monday the fifteenth of April, 2019 C.E., Paris is still burning and Notre Dame with it.

Outside of all the semantic involvement that “woke” has garnered and implied here, there is a tiredness that everyone feels which none of us globally have ever experienced. It is heavy, and we are not quite prepared.

It has just made me angry and scared and I do not like it, and have not enjoyed how I have become angry and scared of myself. Time to lay down arms and pick up… I guess some weights and my pen.